Grief during the holidays can feel especially heavy. When the world is full of lights, music and family gatherings, the absence of someone you love can be felt more sharply than at any other time of year.
At Friendship House in Brantford, we know that Christmas is not merry for everyone. This guide offers gentle, practical ways to get through the season, honour the people you miss and find company when you need it.
Quick answer
How do you cope with grief during the holidays?
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and to do the holidays differently this year. Plan ahead for hard days, decide which traditions to keep, change or skip, and tell the people around you what you need. Find small ways to remember your loved one, stay connected with people who listen without trying to fix you, and reach out for support if the grief feels overwhelming.
Why the holidays can make grief harder
Holidays are full of traditions, and traditions are full of people. An empty chair at the table, a favourite ornament or a familiar song can bring a wave of sadness without warning.
There is also pressure to be cheerful. Cards, advertisements and parties all seem to say that everyone should be happy, which can make grieving people feel even more alone.
Grief is not only about death. People also grieve a divorce, a lost job, a move away from family, a loved one in hospital or long-term care, or a life that has changed in ways they did not choose.
Give yourself permission
There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline for it. Some people want to keep every tradition; others need to change everything this year, and both are okay.
- It is okay to cry, laugh, or feel both on the same day.
- It is okay to say no to invitations, or to leave early.
- It is okay to skip the cards or the decorations this year.
- It is okay to enjoy a moment of happiness; it does not mean you have forgotten.
Plan ahead for hard days
The days leading up to a holiday are often harder than the day itself. Planning ahead gives you some control over a season that can feel out of control.
| Moment | Possible plan | Back-up plan |
|---|---|---|
| Christmas Eve or Day | A quiet meal with one or two people | Time alone with a favourite movie or walk |
| A family gathering | Go for part of the day; drive yourself | Step outside or leave early if it gets too much |
| New Year’s Eve | A calm evening with a friend | An early night with a phone call in the morning |
| Anniversaries and birthdays | A small ritual to remember them | Ask someone to check in on you that day |
Tell family and friends what you need. People often want to help but do not know how; a simple “please say her name” or “I may need to leave early” can make the day easier for everyone.
Keep, change or skip traditions
Look at each tradition and ask whether it brings comfort or pain this year. Keep the ones that help, change the ones that hurt, and set some aside for now.
- Move the holiday meal to a different home or a different time of day.
- Ask someone else to host, or to cook the dish your loved one always made.
- Start a new tradition, such as a walk, a service or a visit to a special place.
- Keep one familiar tradition that feels comforting.
Ways to remember your loved one
Many people find comfort in including the person they miss in the season. Remembering can be a way to carry love forward.
- Light a candle at the table in their memory.
- Hang an ornament or set out a photo that reminds you of them.
- Cook their favourite recipe and share stories about them.
- Give a gift or donation in their name to a cause they cared about.
- Write them a letter, or ask family members to share a memory.
Some families give in memory of a loved one each Christmas. A donation to Friendship House helps provide free meals, groceries and warm clothing for neighbours in Brantford; see our page on ways to donate to Friendship House (opens in a new tab).
Look after your body, too
Grief is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Simple care for your body can make the hardest days a little easier.
- Eat regular meals, even small ones.
- Get outside in daylight for a short walk.
- Keep to a regular bedtime as much as you can.
- Go easy on alcohol, which can make low moods worse.
Short, dark winter days can add to the heaviness. Our guide on how to beat the winter blues (opens in a new tab) has more ideas for low-energy days.
Do not grieve alone
Grief is lighter when it is shared. Spend time with people who will listen without trying to fix you or hurry you along.
If you are alone this season, company can be close by. Friendship House at 452 Grey Street serves coffee, tea and a light breakfast from 8 a.m., and a hot meal Monday to Thursday, 10 to 11 a.m., free for everyone. Holiday hours can change, so call 519-753-8511 before you come in late December.
Find details on our free meals in Brantford (opens in a new tab) page. Our guide to ways to cope with loneliness (opens in a new tab) has more ideas for building connection.
Faith and grief
For many people, faith is a source of comfort in loss, and Christmas carries a message of hope and light in darkness. For others, grief can bring hard questions about faith, and that is okay too.
At Friendship House, Church at the Table meets on Fridays at 10:30 a.m., followed by lunch. Read more about Church at the Table (opens in a new tab).
When to reach out for more help
Grief often comes in waves, and most people slowly find a way to carry it. If your grief feels overwhelming, if you cannot manage daily life, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out.
Talk to your doctor or a counsellor, or dial 2-1-1 to find local support. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
MyGrief.ca (opens in a new tab), from the Canadian Virtual Hospice, offers free online support to help you understand and work through grief at your own pace.
Supporting someone who is grieving
If someone you know is grieving this season, small gestures matter. Invite them, but let them say no; say their loved one’s name; offer specific help, such as a meal or a ride.
Keep checking in after the holidays, too, when the visits and cards stop. Our guide on how to help someone in need in Brantford (opens in a new tab) has more ideas.
Frequently asked questions
Why is grief worse during the holidays?
Holidays are full of traditions and family gatherings, so the absence of a loved one is felt more sharply. Pressure to be cheerful can add to the pain.
How do I get through my first Christmas after a loss?
Plan ahead, keep the day simple, choose which traditions to keep or change, and spend time with people who let you be yourself.
How can I remember a loved one at Christmas?
Light a candle, hang a special ornament, cook their favourite recipe, share stories, or give a donation in their name.
Is it okay to skip holiday events while grieving?
Yes. It is okay to say no, to leave early or to do things differently this year.
Where can I find support for grief in Brantford?
Talk to your doctor, dial 2-1-1 for local services, or call or text 9-8-8 in a crisis. Friendship House offers free meals and company at 452 Grey Street.
However you spend this season, be gentle with yourself. Grief is the price of love, and the love you carry is worth honouring, one day at a time.
